I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Someone came in the potted fern
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
