Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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