I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
