I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
