I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We got so high we made milksteak
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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