I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
