Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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