I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize