sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
