4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
