i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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