gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize