soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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