It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
