He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
