This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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