She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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