he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
