rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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