This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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