Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
