I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
