Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
