Pants 0. Shit 1.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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