The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
