i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
