2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
