how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
