i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
