Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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