The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
