Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
