I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
