At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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