How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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