Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
