The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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