Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
