Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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