Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
