Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
