I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
