i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
