I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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