I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize