you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
