If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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