i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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