you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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