I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
