the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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