Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
