how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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