Plan B is the new Plan A
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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