So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
