Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize