she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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