there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
