I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
