Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
