I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
