No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
