Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
