I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
