he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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