The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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