May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
