I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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