Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
