apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
