I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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