Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
