you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
