at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize