I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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