I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
