I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
