Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
