I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
